So Y’all Wanna Hear About The Past Life Regression?

Who has two thumbs and is not a coward and so is willing to tell y’all all about this weird shit?

This chick.

Bravery? Ohh ho ho. No. Just some combination of the following:

So I did, in fact, do the past life regression last week, let’s talk about it, why not! Never known for brevity before this, I doubt that changes now, so this might be a bit of a long read. FYI.

Before we get into that though. Should you be considering or curious about past life regressions there are some decisions to make. Who do you choose? Virtual or in person? My initial inclination was for in person. But then I’ve done some guided meditations virtually that far exceeded some of the ones I’ve done in person with more sub-par folks leading the meditations… and so came to the conclusion that the right person was more important than the session being in person vs. virtual. Besides. If I wanted to work with a higher caliber of hypnotist/guide, what are the chances of said person being within a 70 mile radius of me, you know?

And so my recommendation here is: make your choice based on the person, not proximity. Also, vet them with other stuff first. Over the past year or so I have signed up for some guided meditations with the person I went with and I really liked her, so I didn’t go into it blind. So… step one and two… and three. Decide virtual or in person, pick your guide, and vet them, if you can.

Cool.

And, I’ll share who I went with- she was great and I’d also listen to that woman read the phone book, so a voice that doesn’t grate on you is also helpful. Vanessa Hurst, found HERE.

And wait, lets back up. Because step one isn’t picking the guide… its what do you go into this with? Do you have to believe in past lives to do a past life regression?

Do I have some concept of having been here, on the planet, before? Sure. Am I also willing to accept that could be a false memory or belief? Oh for sure. Do I know all the secrets of the universe? Please, I don’t even know my kids’ shoe sizes. Am I curious about these things? For sure, especially since my ghost husband popping up so soon after he died (and sticking around the way he does) means I’m well aware now that there is more to the Universe than just what I can see with my physical eyes. So that was more than enough for me to want to do one of these. And so I have an interest and some nebulous concepts around this all, but also… anyone who says they know the order of the Universe and have it all figured out is lying to you. I don’t have to understand everything to be willing to try things out: answers come after questions, after all… not the other way around.

Some of it though… I’m still very much like this image here. Some of the metaphysical stuff I just go… whatever, I don’t have to understand it in the same way I don’t have to have the firmest grasp on string theory in physics.

Next step is prep for your physical space, even if the session is virtual I was told to set aside three uninterrupted hours for the session itself, to prepare my space, and to also have some good noise canceling headphones on. Preparation and good equipment helps the process, isn’t it always the way.

I told the girls I was doing a meditation meeting and put signs on my front door to not to ring the bell and a sign on my bedroom door too- just as a reminder for the girls, lest they forget. I set the session for a start time in the later morning where everyone was up and already fed breakfast. I also told my dad to not come over during the allotted time as I was in an important meeting and couldn’t have the gate squeaking to the back or dogs barking or what have you. That man hates giving a heads up and loves just dropping in and walking in my house. He’s also at a low place emotionally, seems like, so if he needs to cheer himself up he drops by for a guitar or driving lesson with the 16 year old or a chat with me, and while it makes me want to punch puppies to be invaded randomly… I also don’t let it get to me, no matter how many times I’ve repeatedly told him NOT TO FUCKING DO THAT. But I put the fear of god in him about this one. TWICE.

Then I detail cleaned my room and desk and moved in one of my side chairs from the living room. Those chairs are the sort that look like a normal upholstered chair but have a hidden reclining action and a built in footrest… so that works perfectly for this. I was also directed to have a chair that had a tall enough back I could lean my head against for neck and head support and be comfortable in, and as I’m not a capitalist 80’s villain, my desk chair wasn’t gonna cut it.

I put the chair in front of my desk, far enough back I could recline it, but close enough I could see my phone stand on the desktop. I also cleaned the desk. I did this two days ahead of time, mind you- I wasn’t scrambling the day of. I hadn’t cleaned my desk since our company was bought and I took on a new role, and frankly… it’s a tradition I needed to fulfill anyway. EVERYTHING came off, I cleaned the entire surface, and even repotted some desk plants and reset things… it felt very clean and calm. I then, for no reason other than I wanted to, cut some roses and put them on my desk too. Sure boss, why not? Who am I to deny me any whim, ya know? I also put out my hunk of clear quartz because… I like quartz. Also why not?

For my headphones I used the Bose ones Lucas got me years ago for planes… they are what, 8 years old now? And I have never tried out a better pair of noise canceling head phones in my LIFE. You don’t even have to be listening to anything- they kick in when powered on and the noise level drop on a plane is insane. I had never realized exactly how loud ambient plane noise is before I got those. But also those things hold the longest battery charge and have never had bluetooth connectivity issues with them. Importantly, you need said head phones to also have a mic, because you will be narrating what you see in the regression, so the person running it needs to be able to hear you.

So. The scene is set. Door locked, Room and desk and space calm and serene and smelling faintly of January roses… thanks Texas weather, for that one. I also put on really thick socks and was wearing long sleeves, long pants, and had a blanket. I know from past meditations my body gets really cold during them… I had my teeth chattering once as I came out of a meditation. And this one would be longer than any meditation I’d done in the past.

Session starts and we chat for a bit and Vanessa gives me the heads up that whether you believe in past lives or not, these sessions can still work for you. That it all could be a story a part of your brain is putting together and presenting you, or it could be a past life you are seeing- both are valuable, and so to not let that be an influence, impediment, or distraction. She said the first time she ever did one she didn’t believe in past lives, and it was still valuable to her. She had then done another and was able to draw a map of a town in Ireland she later went to visit, and it was exactly the town she had seen in her regression and she knew her way around like the back of her hand… and she’d never been to Ireland before that trip. After that experience she got trained and certified and has been leading these sessions for years. Basically she assured me: whatever your belief going in or out of the experience… there was still value there.

Nightmares are the brain scaring itself- so one part of the brain’s ability to surprise the other parts is well understood. And also… I am reminded of that Dumbledore quote:

“Of course its happening all in your head, Harry, but why should that mean it’s not real?”

So I was willing to accept that whatever this was, was whatever it was, and not let that part worry me or get hung up on it.

Okay then!

And just checking in here- nobody needs more details on me cleaning my room or desk or details about the chair I was sitting in? No?

Sometimes I just have to laugh at me… whatever. Here we go!

Vanessa starts with an intro to take you down into a deeper level of consciousness- this intro part is a common visual across a number of folks I’ve done meditations with before: the image of walking out of trees and into a wide open field.

I close my eyes in the physical world and then boom- it is like I’m opening my eyes somewhere else. I am, I’d estimate, about 5% aware of my body and space around me, and that is no different than other meditations I’ve done. For me I instantly can see it in full color and detail, though I’ve heard it isn’t like that for everyone. My mind’s eye is CRAZY like that though, so it’s never been a struggle for me. My mind paints the picture and it doesn’t always match what the person guiding the meditation is building, and it always has more details than the words being spoken about by the person leading the meditation.

In this one I walk out of tree line and into an open field. I am now so well familiar with this field that it feels very “me”- I have come here many times before. The topography and flora feels very “southwest of San Antonio”. This day the grass is brown though the trees around the edge of the field are green. The sky is low and overcast. It is so familiar, my imagined field, that it might as well be my living room. I sit down for a second and take it in. I love it here. And this time I can feel Lucas very close by- that happens sometimes when I come here. He’s never here waiting, mind you. I never see him. It’s more like he was here a second ago but walked out of view just before I rounded the corner. Or like he’s there somewhere, back in the tree line out of view. It is comforting and okay and it is nice to sit in solitude by myself in this peaceful place.

Through this Vanessa is talking, but all the details do not come from her. I’m then prompted for there to be stairs in the middle of the field, going down, and she counts down from 10 as I walk down them. (This marks the switch from guided meditation to hypnosis) This takes you deeper and deeper into the meditation, to even further down levels of consciousness. It felt similar to the scene in Get Out where he falls into blackness, but this one is not frightening and is a slower descent- walking down the stairs has that feeling of dropping down a level on each one. She does this five times, down five different sets of stairs. As the laws of physics don’t apply here, after the 5th time the stairs open back to the same field I started in, but across the field is now a solid wall of mist. I am guided to walk into it. Vanessa is talking and prompts that when I step out of the mist I’ll be in a past life.

I walk out of the mist and am prompted to look down at my feet and describe my shoes.

I am wearing soft brown leather boots. I am a dude of about 30, walking on leaf litter in a forest.

From here on out I do most of the talking, describing what I see and what is going on. She only prompts to change the memory to a different one, or ask about details. For me, in it, it’s like I’m watching television, I am not reaching for details so I have no fear I’m making this up. I see it first and then I describe it, that’s all. Sometimes I know some details I don’t see (motivations behind something or what happened “offscreen”, etc) But mostly I’m just viewing, and mostly impassively. I also see things from a first person point of view, out of the eyes, as it were, for the most part.

I am walking in the forest itself, but can see a road I’m roughly following, off to my right. Vanessa asks me why I’m not walking on the road and I say: for safety. Where am I going she asks? The next city. She has me move forward and I’m on a rise looking down at the city… it’s still a long way away.

Next scene I’m in the city looking for work, my feet kinda hurt on the cobblestones. I’m passed by a group of men on horseback and the thought “I’d do any work but fighting” comes to mind. All the horses are brown. I don’t have much care or fear. I’ll find something to do or I won’t and if I don’t I’ll just walk and hunt and find my way to the next town.

That night I’m in an inn by a fire, sitting and eating a stew. I’m using my own metal spoon and being standoffish- no one talks to me, I don’t want them to. I go to sleep that night in a small attic room on a pallet on the floor. I wake up early.

I’m prompted to a couple of other scenes and its always walking. (Like seriously. I’m skipping so many scenes of walking for yall, fyi.) Looks like Germany or maybe France looking countryside. So much walking.

Then I’m prompted to an important memory from childhood and I’m like 8 or 9 and standing in front of a stone hut with a thatch roof at dusk. There is no fire inside, hills all around but no trees. I’m watching for my father to come home, but sometimes he doesn’t come back the same night he leaves. I go to bed, there is no fire.

I’m prompted as to what happens next and this part I just say: He never comes back. I leave within a couple of days. What about your mother? “She died when I was young, like maybe 2 or 3. I remember her hands. She had beautiful hands.” I’m asked what happened to her and I say she got sick and died.

Next scene I’m a young teenager, maybe 13? And I’m pushing a wagon up a hill with a group of other people, dogs running around and barking. We get it to the top of the hill and there is lots of shoulder slapping and then we keep walking. I get the impression its like a caravan or merchant. I’m pretty happy, here, being a part of a group and there is camaraderie. I like the dogs, I say. I’ve never had a dog. (see how you know it’s not actually me?! Likes dogs… pfft.)

Next scene is the same wagon but its night and raining and I’m on watch (I guess) and getting rained on sitting next to one of the wagon wheels and the dogs are under the wagon and I am MISERABLE. Just cold and wet and muddy. I say: the dogs are lucky. Dogs don’t care if they’re muddy and wet.

Next it’s soon after that night in the storm and now I’m in a city, walking up steps and into a church. There is a meeting about something but not religion. Scene after that is it’s almost full dark and I’m climbing a hill outside of a harbor town, taking off into the night. I used whatever that group in the church was to get passage on the ship and come here (wherever here is) and then I skipped out on them, as I always intended to do. I’m kinda smug about it. (feels like I was coming to mainland Europe from maybe Great Britain. But that part I have no certainty or exact details on that came from the regression itself- just a vague “smaller place to bigger place” feeling).

Next scene I’m an older teen now and walking in a forest again, but this time just hunting (I don’t catch anything that day) and later I make camp and look up at the stars and I’m really content. I like my life.

Then I’m prompted to remember the next most important thing that happened in this life. (Vanessa was probably trying to move to something that wasn’t a scene of me, alone and walking. lol.)

I flip to a scene and I’m early 20s, maybe 22 or 23, standing in a room on the second or 3rd floor of a building in a city, bright sunlight streaming in the window, everything is wood- the table the walls, and there is an empty bed, neatly covered with a bright red blanket.

I describe the place and then say: There is a red blanket on the bed, but that wasn’t here. He doesn’t want me to see this. (I find that FASCINATING later, but in the moment I am just describing this.) Vanessa says: why not? And I say- it’s his wife that he loved. She died in childbirth. So did the baby. What I’m seeing as I say this: NOTHING but an empty, made bed with a bright red blanket… but the color of it is too vibrant. It’s out of place. I am actually crying as I say all of this- the sorrow and anguish is intense. This hits me hard and almost takes the air out of my lungs. In the scene in front of my eyes I don’t see how I came to the city or came to be to be married or any details of who the wife was or any of that… just this one scene. And when Vanessa asks me what I do after my wife had died I tell her that I know (speaking as him) I’m leaving again and that I’ll walk out of the town and leave everything behind because there is nothing here for me if she’s gone.

There is (I’m sure you’re seeing a theme here) more scenes of just walking and wandering after this. There is, not once, a scene of me riding a horse.

Then I’m older like late forties/early 50s (or, as my cousin would say: SO STILL YOUNG LIKE US RIGHT? lol.) I’m seeing a small wooden house and two kids, a boy and a girl, run around it playing. I walk through the house (it’s one room with a loft space) and out the back and there is wheat and I have a sense of pride and ownership and the thought drifts up that I know farming. I like watching how the wind ripples in the wheat and I stand for what feels like a long time just watching it.

I’m asked about the children, and I tell Vanessa they’re mine and I like them and am a pretty good dad if a bit standoffish sometimes and reserved. And I’m asked about their mother and I say she’s my wife and that “married couples got more land” and that it wasn’t for love or anything but for that reason that we’d married- and that I didn’t really care for her. When asked why I say: “because she’s not smart like my first wife.”

I’m asked about the house and I say: I built it and that I tried to put it far enough away from the river, but (and I smile a bit sardonically here as I say this): but it wasn’t far enough. I’m asked what that means and I say there was a flood, and we were washed away. I am asked if I die and I say yes. I feel nothing about it. Living was fine. Death is fine. It’s fine, but not in an apathetic way, it’s just all so matter of fact… all of this, life and death, is a normalcy.

I’m asked to look at the dead body and its just a crumpled heap on the ground next to some trees and debris. I’m then told to look down at who or what I am now then, if the person I was is dead, and describe what I look like: and I say I’m yellow mist.

I’m then told to go to somewhere I can talk to the spirits of the people I knew in this life.

I am on a beach, light is kinda purple. I am meeting my first wife. She has long light brown hair and is in a white nightgown. I’m then prompted to tell her what I wasn’t able to say in that life, when I was alive. I tell her I loved her and that after she died I never loved anyone else. She smiles a bit and a mockingly says: “That’s terrible!” I’m a bit taken aback. I tell her I’m so sorry she died and it’s my fault. She brushes that aside as stupid and says it wasn’t anybody’s fault, not mine, not hers, and that sometimes things happen. I am crying through this, it is shockingly powerful, emotionally.

Then I’m asked to meet the spirit of my mother. She has black hair and a shawl over her head and I tell her I love her and I never forgot her hands. She doesn’t say anything but she hugs me and then I’m prompted to speak to the spirit of my father.

I can feel some past resentment and anger. He’s taller than me (I get the impression I’m not a very big dude, in that life.) He apologizes for how he treated me, and while he was never cruel he was indifferent. He says: “I died when your mother did, really.” And I replied: “I know what that feels like, I lost a wife too. But I was little. And I needed you.” He looks down at that, as if in shame, and then he’s gone and I’m on the beach alone.

Vanessa asks me what happened to him, do you know how he died? And I say- he died on the road on the way back home, he had a heart attack. I feel like there is a peace in finally knowing he was coming back, at least. I feel relieved to know he was coming back.

I’m asked what happened to my children and I say they died in the flood too. That my last thought in that life was wondering and worrying about them. I am then prompted to meet them. The children appear and they’re the same ages I saw in the vision of them running around the house and just as boisterous. I tell them I wish I’d been a better dad and kept them safe and they assure me I was great and they loved me. I kneel down and we hug and then they’re gone.

I’m asked about that second wife, the children’s mother, and I say: she didn’t much care for me. What happened to her, did she die in the flood too? No, I say, she was off visiting her family because she was mad at me about something. I don’t meet her here.

Then, as I’d met and talked to everyone important in that life, I’m prompted to meet with my spirit guides. I’m instantly not on a beach anymore and now I’m in a giant cave, there is light here, streaming in, beams from the ceiling to the floor- I get the impression the spirit guides are the beams of light.

I’m prompted to ask them if they have anything to share with me and so I do. They don’t offer anything unprompted.

I immediately see the planet Saturn, it’s solid looking and huge, it appears in front of the beams of light and all I see is the planet, blocking everything else from view.

Vanessa asks me: What does it mean? And I say I don’t know… I have no clue. She tells me to ask the guides and I do and then immediately I repeat what they say (and I listened to the recording I have of the session so I could get it exact): “the Universe is bigger than you can fathom. There is a place for everything. There is a place for this giant planet. There is a place for you.”

Then whoosh, I’m out of the cave and back on the beach.

I’m prompted to ask the people I knew and loved from that life, as a group, if they have a message for me to bring back to my current life: and its like a group message of: “you can be fine alone, but it’s people and relationships that matter.” And over that, or right after, I hear my first wife kinda yell, as if from a distance and across the crowd (more people gathered than just who I talked to on the beach earlier, mind you) at me a quick second message of: “Don’t be terrible!” like it’s an inside joke or something. You could hear in her voice that she was smiling while she said it.

The scene then ends and I’m drifting in nothingness and before I come up and out of the hypnosis/meditation Vanessa asks me if I’d like to dive into the lesson I’m here in this life to learn, maybe a lesson with or about Lucas. (She knew about him because in our getting to know you conversation I had given her a brief rundown on who I was and motivations for wanting a regression- and I had said one of the things I MOST wanted was to better understand the lessons I’m here to learn.) And yet when she brought it up I reject that idea soooo fast. Like “NOPE, I’M GOOD.” And so she counts me out of the meditation and then I’m back in my chair, at my desk, in my house, and in my own body (and gender) again.

So yeah.

THE ABSOLUTE FUCK WAS ALLA THAT?!

I was FREEZING cold when I came out of the meditation/regression- I should have worn mittens, my hands were ice. We chat for a bit, Vanessa signs off, and then I go and make a big pot roast sandwich, kill it, and then take a nap for two hours. That night I’m asleep by 10:30pm and I wake up the next day at NOON. (I normally wake up at 6am every day, weekend or weekday both. I slept SO much more than normal in the next couple of days.

Was it weird to be a different gender? No. Surprisingly. But it also didn’t feel like one or the other gender was the “right one” or the “wrong one”. That one was a dude. This one I’m a chick. That is just the way of things.

Are there similarities between me and that guy, in that life? I do hate horses, I don’t really know his motivations but I figure he did too, to have always just walked everywhere. I lost a spouse, too. I’ve been terrified of floods and low water crossings for as long as I can remember. I hate being cold and wet and muddy (who does though, you know?). I was very aware how dangerous being pregnant and giving birth can be. But that all seems reasonable, too, you know? Horses suck, floods and death in childbirth happen, and damn near no one likes being cold and wet and muddy. But he seemed really serious and not very funny and very standoffish. So that’s kinda different to me.

I am shocked how quickly I rejected learning about the possible lesson I was here to learn in this life. And if that is a concern about losing control while under hypnosis, (though it wasn’t to me) let that be a comfort that I had full control and could reject any prompt.) But also I’m just like… that’s the whole fucking point of all of this that I went in with, though… right? And it was just such an immediate response of nope nope nope. Almost like- nope, can’t hear that yet. Or maybe I was just being a coward about it. Or, maybe I was worried I’d get in there and that I’d be the one consciously making something up. Whatever the reason, I didn’t want to explore it.

And so yeah… the fuck do I do with this info, now?

The main things that stand out to me as a takeaway is that I could be happy(ish) alone, but that isn’t the point of all this living. The “Don’t be terrible” getting yelled at me as I’m starting to drift back up to consciousness stands out, and the image of Saturn and that message that there is a place for everything and everyone was comforting. Those all really stuck with me. As does climbing the hill above the harbor to skip town and basically going: “heh heh… suckers!” I get the very distinct impression I was kinda an asshole in that life.

And then the next question here is- do I believe it?

After the extreme level of detail and emotion… I have to say I still don’t know. It did feel very real and yet… could those details be projected backwards from this life, instead of forward from that one? In this life here and now, me, I have always been deathly afraid of floods. But is that because I died in a flood, before, in a past life? Or did my mind conjure up that death because I’m afraid of floods? You see? It could be either.

So, in summary: Hell if I know. But I feel INCREDIBLY grounded and like grief is mellowed by the whole thing. Life, death… it’s all normal and it doesn’t end here- that at least I can be sure about. It also had no impact on my concept of self- there was no identity or ego shattering that happened because of it.

It has made me look around and appreciate the sunsets a bit more. And pet the dog or the cat a few extra times, or snuggle in and appreciate the comfort of warn blankets in a soft bed I go to sleep in each night. I did before the regression too, mind you, I just notice and appreciate it a bit more is all.

And now: some quasi-applicable memes for you to end on after that damn near endless wall of text.