I’m back- lots of gardening being done and a tradeshow braved and completed.
I have been DREADING the tradeshow as I’m quite well known in my industry (polishes knuckles on lapel) and yet hadn’t seen a lot of these people in person in the last two years. I just knew there would be many in person condolences from folks who’d called me after it happened… I was wondering how that would hit my nervous system. My old company that tried to cause me issues after I left them were also there… I worried how that would go too.
It went fine.
Worst thing that did end up happening was still kinda funny. I was talking to one former customer who hadn’t known Lucas died (that was okay navigating) and we got interrupted by another customer who just walked up and word vomited: “I’M SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND DYING. I DIDN’T KNOW BEFORE THIS WEEK. MY WIFE GOT CANCER, SHOULDER CANCER, DIDN’T KNOW THAT WAS A THING AND THAT WAS HARD BUT SHE’S FINE NOW BUT HER SHOULDER IS STILL STIFF ITS CRAZY WHAT RADIATION DOES TO SOFT TISSUE AND….” (It went on for longer than that) I finally was able to interrupt him and said I’d be happy to catch up later but I needed to wrap up this first conversation real quick. He got the hint and scampered off. The guy I was originally talking to had eyes the size of dinner plates and said: “Oh my GOD that was the worst thing I’ve ever seen happen at a tradeshow! Please tell me that doesn’t happen to you a lot!” I just laughed and said: “That was a first right there- thankfully.” Most of the time grief was not front and center and it was all okay.
I did get that same ol’ sad ache at one of the dinners though- was 9 people at the table and about 9:30 at night… grief catches me easier when I’m tired and it was a long day so not unexpected.
They started talking about the last time they’d been to the beach (someone mentioned they were going to beaches in Greece the next week…) and so they went around the table and shared story after story about the last time they’d been to the beach- and so stories of folks with their wives and husbands, one after another. Well the last time I was with my husband at the beach I was scattering his ashes. And my god were the beach days with him before that over the last 25 years our halcyon days. I didn’t want to go into either. When it was my turn I just said “Oh no thanks but what about you, Kevin?” And the next guy just picked it up without missing a beat. My coworker from down the table caught my eye and she gave me a sympathetic look. It went unnoticed by the other folks though- they are a new account and so none of them know me well. I didn’t want to get into it.
I called it a day after that and had a hot bath and long night’s dreamless sleep and woke up crazy early to do it all over again. It was okay.
As for the old company- they really pissed me off back in the day, but I didn’t want it to be a thing so I just decided it wasn’t. I’m cool, and so the only answer was to be cool and I was. It was fine.
I did have a bit of a grief crash out when I got home though. I sat outside with a beer and the world just felt achingly empty without my husband to talk to about all the weird or funny goings on at a tradeshow like we’d always done before. But what of it. Some things are sad and sometimes I am that thing.
The sadness eased back off within a few days. I just went- man I know you’re sad now, and that’s okay- but look how far you’ve come since 2024! It wasn’t like that forever and it won’t be like this forever and you’ll be okay.
And I was.
One funny thing though- I had spread mulch and fertilized the garden the week before the tradeshow and totally stained my nails with the liquid seaweed. My hands looked AWFUL and worse, kinda unprofessional. So, for only the second time in my life, I got fake nails as my actual ones were too short to just paint. Let me just say- I hate those things!
I promise I did that unintentionally, you gotta be REALLY crazy to match nails to your cat on purpose, but the color match was uncanny. I had them taken off the DAY I was back. Screw fake nails, man. Straight to jail!
Also- (and visible in that pic) my snake tattoo is almost healed enough to go right back in for touch up work. I was unhappy with how it settled in and so I’m going back in with another artist to get it fixed and darkened. If it looks hazy to you in that pic that’s because it is- and I won’t stand for that! The shop is fixing it for free after I sent them pics. I shall keep y’all posted.
Anyway. Kinda a short post today- I gotta run and do some more gardening but here’s a backlog of memes and pics for ya:
the something garden 