Sick up to my eyeballs just about sums it up lately… and hey, my sinuses are infected so it literally is true!
So I’m now mostly recovered from a tonsil infection that spread to the rest of my throat and larynx and wiped out my voice for 3 days and then morphed into a sinus infection. But I’m almost better now. Almost.
No head or neck… lucky bastard.
And maybe I wore myself down? I don’t know- I have a lot on my plate and while grief, and worry, and stress are all carb free I’ve probably been overdoing them. But see- I have my wonderful little life with my wonderful little family- the stress and worry can kinda sneak up on me sometimes, you know?
Well doesn’t that just about sum it up?
So maybe I ran myself down a little- happens to the best of us. Even before the voice took off on a long weekend without me I had started trying to get a bit more balance going on. Ordered a slew of books and now actually read- the novelty! (Wait- was that a goddamn pun?! Stupid brain pulling shit sometimes I swear…) I also started meditating, and I’m going to sleep about 30 minutes to an hour earlier a night. Plus cutting down on some alcohol and back to trying to cut down on the carbs. And I’m walking and lifting weights a couple of half assed times a week!
Let’s talk meditating though… super easy? Is that how that’s supposed to go down? Because I can clear my mind and keep it clear for a LONG time… turns out that’s how the majority of my days go already? Is that something I should be worried about? Because it doesn’t feel brag inducing, to have a mind that is as un-rippled as a pond without a rock heaved at it… that seems… hmm. I’ll take it though, don’t think I’m complaining. It’s just unexpected?
My brain is emptier than yours… yay?
All that mental calm and yet I’m still making coworkers cry on the regular though… so still an asshole. I always feel terrible about it- I don’t want to crush people, but I feel like a rhino trying to fold origami when trying to discuss issues and solve problems. Whelp. Try to flip that self recrimination on it’s empty head and see it as an opportunity for something else to learn in this life! (got a quasi self help book in the stack) Ah for the Churchillian gift of telling people to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip (also a Churchill book)… So it’s the delivery not the character trait I’m working on, just to be clear. I stopped hating my fundamental nature and beating myself up for it a long time ago. But I am trying to blunt the edges a bit, I promise.
Anyway, to sum up:
- I’m still sick- I’m working on it.
- And I’m still a jerk sometimes- I’m working on my delivery.
Here’s a funny final story for this post: my husband and I were watching Jeopardy (a nightly thing for us after the girls are down. Love!) and I turned to him and said: “I tell you one thing- if I was on this show I wouldn’t clap if a competitor got a Daily Double right.” To which he replied “Well of course you wouldn’t!” We laughed and laughed… because it’s true and he loves me anyway.
the something garden 
‘Well what a lucky man here is, married to a temporary mine… Mimes cannot chew ass’ or complain they just shoot whammies, daggers and evil juju eyes, oh and flip a lot of middle digit salutes or flush the TV remote if they are not given 1000 percent focus when they demand attention. We seem to be pears in a cobbler here’ no I do not posses split personalities’ however when shit get bad and goes down I blame it on my doppelganger.
‘In the past I have drown six ‘a -h’ coworkers, it’s easy pesy’ to do’ I just bought them their lunch, some really swampy Ramón, ‘put it before them and then started telling them my life story’ within ten minutes they are face down and bluer than Elvis’s suede shoes, the one’s he always sung and obsessed about, and there’s no crime investigation hence there is no autopsy’ because there is no provable crime. Just bought lunch.
And if the cafeteria here at the asylum and ancient people museum is all out of Soup’ then I bring to them cups of tea’ and besides when they go out’ I then gets to toss back all of their prescribed meds’. And sure it a crap shoot, sometimes’ it messed up’ as like when I once I took someone’s Belladonna aka devil’s sherries and had to walk around like to psychopath freak for five hours… and kept trying to convince my co –workers that I was ok, but they knew better and wouldn’t have anything to do with me’, I just tell them that I had a damn good lunch that day.
‘Hay gotta go –here come the nets, read you later.’ Brock.
I am FLABERGASTED that anyone would think that would be okay to write. The time is well past due to tell you the weird ass long stream of consciousness needs to find a different home. The comment section on my blog is no place for you to carve out as your own venue. I had hoped not replying would get the message across but unfortunately I will need to be clearer. Please take this elsewhere.