Resolution: More charitable giving

For almost 2 years now I’ve been a sponsor to a girl in Sierra Leone- to save her from the practice known as FGM, or Female Genital Mutilation. This sponsorship pays for the ongoing guarantee that she will not undergo FGM, her education, food for her family, education for her family as to why FGM should be avoided, and regular healthcare. Since that time I originally sponsored a child in January of 2015, I’ve had another daughter. And as I look at my 3 girls it grew in me that I wanted to do more for this cause- and so I’ve recently signed up to sponsor 2 more girls each month. This allows me to match the number of my own girls and seemed eminently important to do. Honestly, I was totally unable to ignore the call to do so, it’s so grown in me recently. I feel as strongly about this cause as I did when I originally posted about it 2 years ago. And as strongly committed to wiping it out as then as well.

May more girls grow up unmultilated.

Healthy.

And Educated in this world.

Amen.

 

Below is my post from January of 2015:

The cause I cleaved to in the later part of 2014 and will be more focussed on helping in the future: Ending FGM, also know as Female Genital Mutilation.

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Young Girl in Gambia- where the incidence of FGM is 76% (image by Joe Rodd)

In 2015 I started to contribute to Waris Dierie’s Desert Flower Foundation to end FGM around the world. Why? Because the thought of some innocent child my daughters’ age getting held down and screaming while she is permenantly mutilated with no anesthesia is so incredibly horrifying I want to throw up every single time I think about it. Having been a victim of this mutilation, that child’s risk later in life of contracting HIV and dying in childbirth go up astronomically; and that is in addition to the lifetime of pain caused from it. FGM isn’t a religious practice as many believe, it’s cultural- and therefore changeable within a single generation.  Below is the link to The Desert Flower Foundation, which is the organization I chose to support after researching the ones that had proven positive results:

 

Desert Flower Foundation:

http://www.desertflowerfoundation.org

And yes, historically, charitable giving into Africa hasn’t always been successful. But that is because changes were attempted to be imposed from the outside. The Desert Flower Foundation works from within these communities, and is thus much more successful in achieving lasting change. And lest you think the work to end FGM is fighting a losing battle, it is actually quickly turning the tide of cultural practice- but nowhere near quickly enough. And even if it wasn’t, remember the story of the starfish:

Thousands of starfish had washed up on a beach, and a little girl was throwing them back in the ocean. Someone walked up to her and said “Save your strength, there is no way you’ll be able to save them all.” The little girl paused for a moment and then quickly knelt down and picked up a single starfish off the beach. As she threw it in the water she said “Saved that one!” Others around were inspired by that child’s action and started throwing the starfish into the water with her. Soon, no starfish remained on the beach.

Sure that story is smaltzy, I’ll give you that. But like in that story, I’d try to save just one girl even if it didn’t have a rippling effect on changing cultural norms in her community… but luckily it does. But also? These are not starfish. These are children. These are girls with dreams. Girls who love their kittens and their mothers’ cooking and being able to go to school. Who should one day have a right to grow from a child to a woman- with a right to love and have children, and not suffer in pain daily. Who should grow into women who will fight so their daughters don’t have to suffer FGM. And who should live to see their granddaughters be fully safe from FGM as well. These are girls who should not have to suffer this horrible practice. SHOULD. NOT.

Please learn more if you are interested and help if you are so driven.

Recovery Day

So. I just had my tubes tied yesterday… again. Which may I just say, hurts a hell of a lot more than they let on. To be totally honest, I didn’t have my tubes tied this time as much as I had them totally taken out (failed clips and all). “Look at me, I’m so svelte, I just lost 3 oz!” #pleasenomorefuckingbabies

Here are my pets- moral support and enthusiastic participants in a full day in bed next to me. Psst. One of you slackers go pick up that sock.

And I took NO painkillers with codeine this time. I did last time and I felt AWFUL for 3 days. I’m only taking Motrin this time (did after this last birth too) and I feel awesome. What the hell, doctors? Does codeine even work? Or does it just make you high? Is that the point? Because I hate it and it worked way worse for pain control and kept me up at night. #straightarrowstickinthemud

Anyhoo- maybe I’ll catch up on blogging. Or maybe I’ll just drink coffee and eat pineapple. And try not to keep seeing that the scars on my stomach now look like an upside down Sid the sloth from Ice Age. Ugh. Try unseeing that for the rest of your life… #I’mmyownRorchachetest

#whatthehellIhatehashtagswhyamIusingthem

 

Crapbooking

Please god tell me the scrapbooking fad is on the way down in society… right? Because for a while there WAY to many women had entire drawers full of different scissors and spent WAY to much time playing with stickers and colored paper.  Plus splaying shit like “Springtastic!!!” over pictures of their own fat ass sitting in a field of bluebonnets. Seriously people. What the holy hell.

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Nobody is impressed with your cutting skills or your mad sticker game. Nobody. Image by Grazyna Suchecka

And I speak from quasi first hand experience. My own sister in law had a 7 drawer cabinet devoted to scrapbook supplies. Her first baby book had pop-up pages for god’s sake. I had a friend who spent one evening a week working with a group of other women scapbooking- and she literally told me: “I do it, but I’m not even really sure I like it.” WELL FIGURE IT OUT! Do you really like something or don’t you? Why do so many women spend their lives just blindly doing what society tells us we like without ever really thinking about it? What’s that Emma Watson quote: “Don’t feel stupid for not liking what everyone else pretends to love.”

Book Clubs? Thinking that pounding the wine is “cute”? Scrapbooking? Shoe collecting? Nail art? Baking cupcakes? How much of those in your heart do you truly and deeply feel?! BECAUSE DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME ON SHIT YOU DON’T! Life is short, do what makes you happy, for fuck’s sake. Reach farther. Aspire to more! (She says while writing on a tiny, tiny blog…) But see, I feel this one is the difference.

I’ve never spent one second on scrapbooking, and it does my contrary little heart good. I DID spend plenty of time bass fishing… before this 10 week old baby that was. Oh well, I’ll get back there because I truly and deeply love it.  But here’s my point: it isn’t really about the scrapbooking… it’s about embracing uniformity instead of reaching for individuality that drives me crazy. Please. As a gender let’s agree to embrace our differences instead of plastering on fake smiles and all saying we like the same thing.

Because if I have to hear one more story about glitter eyeshadow, or new scrapbooking scissors, or why you picked red toenail polish over pink when you went on vacation… I’m kicking you in the shins! And be honest, you bore yourself even telling them! Let’s talk about camping, or art, or anything else you have real passion for! And just put your pictures in a plain ol’ album- the only reason to spend 2 hours on cutting out sayings and using colored paper and stickers to dress up your pictures… are if your pictures are boring. Live a more interesting life and you won’t need stickers. Your pictures would speak for themselves.

(God am I feeling sanctimonious today, eh? Nobody tell my Dad.)

 

The Occasional Indulgently Introspective Post

I never wanted to be a princess.

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Back in the day I never wanted a fairytale dress… but these days I’d wear the HELL outta that one though. Because I know you can be both badass AND a butterfly. (Image by Michael Michaeletti)

I’ve always wanted to be tough, as far back as I can remember.When I was 11 I used to check out books from the library about martial arts, and train in my room- push myself and my endurance. (NERD.) When I finally joined a karate class I quit the first one because it wasn’t real enough for my taste. Sparring just for points? Bah! What good is that?! I joined a full contact class. I wanted to learn how to throw a punch and take one. I was 12. I was obsessed with it- and I don’t say that lightly. When I was grounded I was not allowed to go to karate- so I ran  quite a straight and narrow path through my teenage years. (Stupid parents finding perfect motivation for good behavior. Grumble, grumble.) Weird to think karate kept me from drugs and sex and bad influences and smoking. But it did. I never wanted to be a ninja. I wanted to be a warrior. I’d like to think I got there. (I almost got kicked out for excessive force at every tournament I ever entered. I’d be an asshole if I was proud of that. I’m an asshole.)

Pride in that tough aspect of myself was the road back to a healthy self esteem (13-16 sucks when you’re a teenage girl, turns out). It’s still tied up in my body image and self esteem today. I’ve never wanted bigger boobs or smaller feet. I have wanted to get stronger when I’m feeling soft though. Being strong is more important than being thin. Though I dig that too, don’t let me fool ya. I just want to be strong and thin is all. None of that willowy crap for me.

I’ve been wondering why lately. Why did I want to be a warrior, a fighter, so badly?  It seems like such an odd thing now. Did I want power and that’s what my young mind associated it with? Did I feel powerless at some point?

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Power IS handy. (Image by John Trusler)

I did almost get in a fight once- some girls jumped me and 2 of my friends because one of my friends was going out with one of their ex-boyfriends. (Oh 6th grade- you so crazy! Also, why the hell are y’all mad at me in this scenario?!) I talked my way out of that one by cracking a joke- turns out that’s more than an adequate defense mechanism.(I filed that info away for future use, too) I never got in another fight because I had nothing I was out to prove at that point. I don’t think it was a response to powerlessness in that circle of pissed off cholas that did it though… I’d wanted to be in martial arts long before that. Wanted to be tough before that. I DO think that was the thing that finally made me sign up for a class though.

I’ve always been a bit contrary, so maybe that’s where it comes from. My 6 year old tells me she doesn’t want to be different. And my response is “That’s so weird! Why would you ever want to be like everybody else?” I never wanted to be like anybody else, so that’s an odd one to try to handle and empathize with for me as a parent. But I try.

I told very, VERY few people I was in karate when I was in middle school and high school. And after. Mostly because “I know karate!” is just about the most pathetic things you could ever possibly say. I bring it up just because I now think… huh. That’s actually kinda weird. Why did my younger self cleave to that? I wonder mostly because my oldest daughter is just about the same age as I was back then. I remember being that age and being so strongly drawn to something… so, will she? What will it be for her? For her sisters?

I never did want to be a princess. I wanted to be a fighter. And I did actually get there. Now, I wanted to be an astronaut and live in Japan too. But well… 1 out of 3 childhood dreams ain’t bad. And at least I accomplished the most useful one, you know?

The Feminine Mis-Speak

I am a TOTAL feminist. I am a totally bad feminist.

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I roll my eyes at pink camo and most pink clothing. Yet I totally SAY everyone can/should/ nay, MUST wear whatever the hell they want. So which is it? That indulging in pink overload is a personal choice or an example of someone blindly throwing themselves into cultural expectations of gender identity and handing their decision making abilities over to the patriarchy? Gah. You damn hypocrite, me.

I am a TOTAL feminist. I am a totally bad feminist.

I’m working on it…

 

300 Little Desert Flowers are waiting for a sponsor in 2015

I will be sponsoring a girl this year to protect her from FGM- won’t you join me?

warisdirie's avatarDesert Flower - The Blog

300 parents brought their daughters this weekend to our paediatrician Dr. Francis Sessay to confirm their physical integrity, in order to take part in the “Save a Little Desert Flower” sponsorship project. All of them signed contracts and are now waiting for a sponsor for 2015.

Please help us to give these girls a future without FGM and forced marriages!

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