Grown Up Fruit Salad

This is not buffet fare. Or potluck fair. This is no salad to wither away next to some forlorn cold pasta salad. This? This is a grown up, voting aged, “Honey, we need to talk about the kids” fruit salad. Griddle pan some chicken, serve next to some rice and lentils and POW! Right in the kisser with flavor! (Wait. That’s where all food goes, actually.) Healthy and tasty as the days of summer are long. Also? A lot of chopping. A lot. So, so much. But worth it!

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“I’ll take one of everything.” (image by Andrea de Stephani)

 

1 cup spring mix

1 cup cilantro

2 medium tomatoes

½ cup red grapes

3 strawberries

½ red or yellow bell pepper

1 green apple

1 orange

½ English cucumber

1 avocado

1 lemon

½ tsp salt

 

Chop first 10 ingredients fairly finely- you want the pieces to be small enough to have at least three or four different ingredients on each forkful. Chop, chop, chop. Chop. Keep chopping…good! Mix ingredients, season with salt, squeeze lemon over the top and you’re done! Now go ice your wrist.

Sautéed Soy Sauce Shrimp

Four foxes found five forks fascinating. The turtles thought tiny tremendous theories. Little ladybugs love lit lanterns. And so on. I dig me some alliteration, is what I’m trying to say.

So. About the shrimp. I buy wild caught Texas Gulf shrimp, myself. I’m not personally a fan of the frozen, bagged shrimp; but I understand how convenient those are. But it’s awfully easy to peel and devein my own, and I like supporting my beloved gulf economy, so that influences what I buy. Get one of the tools designed for cleaning them and it really is as easy as unzipping a coat. Also, get rid of the black vein running down the back. Yes that’s shrimp poop. It’s still easy to do, though, so don’t look at me like that. Author’s advice actually assists another’s acceptance of ack-inducing actions. Alliteration.

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“Psst, Buddy. How’s about I slip ya a fiver and you have chicken tonight, eh?” image by Mussaddique Naina

I serve this over rice… but they’d be awesome in lettuce wraps or for sandwiches too. Or a taco. Everything is good as a taco.

 

1 lb peeled and deveined shrimp

1 clove garlic

Small bunch chopped cilantro/ or small handful chopped green stems of scallions/green onions.

Marinade:

¼ cup orange juice

4 Tbsp. soy sauce

2 cloves garlic, crushed

3 Tbsp. apple cider vinegar

3 Tbsp. water

2 Tbsp. sesame oil

2 Tbsp. olive oil

Peel and devein your fresh shrimp (because I know I convinced you to support our local Gulf fisheries.) Add all other marinade ingredients to bowl and whisk to combine. Add shrimp and marinate for 30 minutes.

Heat 2 Tbsp. of olive oil in sauté pan over medium heat. Add chopped garlic and stir until the garlic become aromatic. Add half shrimp to pan and let sit for 45 seconds to 1 minute without touching. Flip shrimp (they should be pink and have lost their translucency.) Repeat on other side. Remove from heat to a plate and cook the second set of shrimp the same way. Why not all at once, you ask? Because that would crowd the pan and drop the heat if you added to many at once. Once all the shrimp are cooked and removed to a plate or bowl, add all of the remaining marinade to the pan, increase the heat, and simmer. Once the marinade has reached a rousing simmer (Is that a thing? I’m making that a thing) let it reduce by around half and remove from heat. Serve shrimp over rice or however you’re eating it and sparingly drizzle with cooked marinade- I say sparingly because depending on how much you reduced it, it might be quite salty thanks to the soy sauce. Taste it before serving, to be sure of flavor.

Garnish with cilantro and or chopped scallions/green onions. Or not. It’s your life.

Why? And How?

Parenting Mysteries:

Why do bibs have tags? Every damn bib has a tag. It’s not like we need the laundering instructions or anything- no bib ever should be dry clean only. And they don’t list sizes- so, WHY?

How do infants toenails get dirty? In her 10 weeks on the planet I’ve never set this child on the ground without a blanket under her… and yet her toenails are dirty. She can’t freaking walk…so, HOW?

And WHAT is UP with AIRLINE peanuts?! Yes, yes- this post is basically just 90s era Jerry Seinfeld.

Captain’s log, Stardate… Maternity Leave.

Man. Remember when I said nesting was awesome and I loved cleaning the house? Well let me tell you that must be placenta related because these days… Let’s just say I look at this mountain of laundry and decide I truly MUST get another blog post done. Priorities.

The laundry… it’s, it’s amazing. And to all y’all who have never had a baby before, know this: it isn’t the baby’s clothes that are so overwhelming it’s the fact that they spit up on EVERYTHING. EVERYONE. EVERYWHERE. The bibs do nothing.

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THE BIBS DO NOTHING!

These little shits even hold out until you finally give up on the burp rag and THEN puke on you. I’ve worn shirts that have lasted less than a minute. I’ve had to wear a god damned button down because I was out of teeshirts(firstworldproblems). Or you just forget EVERY TIME that a burp rag would be smart, and can you not plan ahead for once in your damn life, woman! GAH! Go change your shirt.

Stupid baby sucking away braincells and making me write about laundry on my first blog post in 2 weeks… (They make the best scapegoats. Have one!)

 

The Feminine Mis-Speak

I am a TOTAL feminist. I am a totally bad feminist.

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I roll my eyes at pink camo and most pink clothing. Yet I totally SAY everyone can/should/ nay, MUST wear whatever the hell they want. So which is it? That indulging in pink overload is a personal choice or an example of someone blindly throwing themselves into cultural expectations of gender identity and handing their decision making abilities over to the patriarchy? Gah. You damn hypocrite, me.

I am a TOTAL feminist. I am a totally bad feminist.

I’m working on it…

 

Oddball Beliefs

Below is a fairly random collection of oddball beliefs I have. Also. A picture of a squirrel.

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Lullabies– everyone THINKS that lullabies are for babies to get them to calm down, but I believe they are really for OURSELVES to keep our calm in the face of incessantly crying infants. I mean- I didn’t sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow for 3 hours while walking my second up and down the driveway at 3am for her sake, you know? My default “parenting situation” song is Silent Night- because I realized I knew NO lullabies when my oldest was born, and found it totally gets the job done.

Bush’s black eye– so, y’all remember when president Bush supposedly choked on a pretzel and fell on a coffee table, thus giving himself a black eye? ‘Member? You ‘member. So President Bush and the first lady went on late night talk shows to tell the story, and TO THIS DAY my thoughts on the matter are: thou doth protest too much. I don’t buy it for a minute. Whether he went on a bender, or Cheney decked him… we’ll never know- but it sure as hell wasn’t a pretzel.

Pregnancy and litter boxes– So. Toxoplasmosis- can totally jack your baby up while you’re pregnant and so NO pregnant lady ever changes the litter box- doctor’s orders. But here’s the thing- if you were previously infected with toxoplasmosis, you’re fine (so is your baby). If you don’t have it, you’re fine. The only danger is if you get infected for the first time WHILE pregnant. So it’s actually less of a risk than it’s made out to be. Also- you can get the infection from pork- but does any doctor say to lay off pork chops? Nope. So I believe this is a big “YOU’RE WELCOME” from obstetricians to pregnant ladies everywhere. But I still never changed the litter box when I was pregnant… just to be safe. (also, I keep forgetting that I have the all clear to change the litter box now that I’ve delivered… bummer.)

Don’t let your dog walk in the door ahead of you– This one is backed up by Cesar Milan, but seriously. I am the boss here, dog. You wait your damn turn.

Potting Soil is dirt, but it is not dirty– I never get the plastic wrap to set pots of plants on in the back of my car because it seems wasteful and unnecessary. This drives my husband crazy, but I believe good clean potting soil doesn’t equate with dirt/filth.

Never fold underwear– because why. Just don’t waste the time. This I believe.

I’m sure there are more… but I got a waking baby over here so we’ll save the rest for the next time.