Tag babies

Why? And How?

Lauren

Parenting Mysteries:

Why do bibs have tags? Every damn bib has a tag. It’s not like we need the laundering instructions or anything- no bib ever should be dry clean only. And they don’t list sizes- so, WHY?

How do infants toenails get dirty? In her 10 weeks on the planet I’ve never set this child on the ground without a blanket under her… and yet her toenails are dirty. She can’t freaking walk…so, HOW?

And WHAT is UP with AIRLINE peanuts?! Yes, yes- this post is basically just 90s era Jerry Seinfeld.

Captain’s log, Stardate… Maternity Leave.

Lauren 2 Comments

Man. Remember when I said nesting was awesome and I loved cleaning the house? Well let me tell you that must be placenta related because these days… Let’s just say I look at this mountain of laundry and decide I truly MUST get another blog post done. Priorities.

The laundry… it’s, it’s amazing. And to all y’all who have never had a baby before, know this: it isn’t the baby’s clothes that are so overwhelming it’s the fact that they spit up on EVERYTHING. EVERYONE. EVERYWHERE. The bibs do nothing.

MY-EYES!-THE-GOGGLES-DO-NOTHING!

THE BIBS DO NOTHING!

These little shits even hold out until you finally give up on the burp rag and THEN puke on you. I’ve worn shirts that have lasted less than a minute. I’ve had to wear a god damned button down because I was out of teeshirts(firstworldproblems). Or you just forget EVERY TIME that a burp rag would be smart, and can you not plan ahead for once in your damn life, woman! GAH! Go change your shirt.

Stupid baby sucking away braincells and making me write about laundry on my first blog post in 2 weeks… (They make the best scapegoats. Have one!)