Lessons Learned

  1. I used to babysit regularly for a family that lived in a haunted house. The TV used to flick on and off, it always felt like you were being watched, and I had a kid run behind me laughing while I was doing dishes once… turned around- nothing. Went to check on the kids I was babysitting… all three in bed and sound asleep. And I mean SOUND asleep- they weren’t pulling one over on the babysitter.
    • Lesson: atheism doesn’t negate a belief in ghosts.
  2. One time in high school I started my period and knew, I mean KNEW, that I didn’t have any supplies… but I frantically rummaged through my backpack anyway. AND OH MY GOD I FOUND A TAMPON I WAS SAVED! I then immediately dropped it in the toilet.
    • Lesson: Sometimes having something and losing it is exactly like never having it at all.
  3. I was running into the grocery store one time in the rain and didn’t realize how deep a puddle was and SWOOOSH, kicked up a huge plume of water (one leg on the backswing) and sunk halfway up my calf in the puddle. A guy running the other direction DIED laughing to see it. (I mean died- stopped, doubled over, grabbing his stomach, the whole bit.) He called out an apology as I ran past him, but I yelled back that if it had to happen I was glad that someone saw it at least.
    • Lesson: With the right mindset the phrase “As long as somebody laughed” will get you through a hell of a lot in this world.
  4. Lice. (Shudder)
    • Lesson: Even if you think you’re so busy you don’t have any time to breath- somehow you’ll find 2 hours a night for weeks on end if you’re motivated.
  5. Steamed King Crab Legs (see here) is the hands down easiest dinner anyone could ever cook. Lentil Soup is the least expensive meal that will feed you for the week for just a few bucks.
    • Lesson: you can have fast… or you can have cheap… but you ain’t getting both.
  6. So this one time… I got pregnant? When I had my tubes tied? (see here) And we proceeded to freak the fuck out for months and months and months and now we all love that child like it’s going out of style.
    • Lesson: Aethism doesn’t negate an in depth understanding of the phrase “Man proposes, God disposes.”
  7. I got up to speak as a sophomore in high school to defend Block Scheduling because I believed in it SO much- I KNEW it was preparing me for the college experience and letting me learn much more in depth. (Longer classes, only 4 a day instead of 7 for the first half of the year with another set of 4 classes for the 2nd half of the year.) I loved that schedule… until the way my math classes synced up and I’d had an entire year between Algebra I and Algebra II.
    • Lesson: Just because you believe something doesn’t make it true.

Know what’s better…?

Know what’s better than being 37? Being 37 and not pregnant! Ami-freaking-right?! HIGH FIVE!

(It’ll forever after be my determination of what makes a good birthday. I’ll be 89 with an amputated foot and cataracts and STILL be like “Pfft. At least I’m not pregnant!”)





(There is a 90% chance I’ve messed up that age- it’s been known to happen on an increasingly regular basis. Did I just count on my fingers up from 1979? Maybe.)


Random Image Post

Gonna be a lot of these posts coming up, FYI.  You’d THINK writing and a damn baby who won’t stop flipping the fuck OUT between the hours of midnight and 3am (but also who TOTALLY isn’t ready to commit and just get herself FUCKING BORN ALREADY) would go hand in hand… but they don’t. And me brain function lately on such minimal sleep is…. what’s the word? What are all the words? So yeah… writing and me lately… Bah!

Enjoy the random image posts.


Don’t skip leg day. NEVER skip leg day.

The Occasional Pregnancy Post

So, I’m a day shy of 25 weeks pregnant which I’m sure is of MUCH greater interest to my husband and me than to any of you out there. But- since it’s been weighing on my mind (and sciatica! Hi-yo, pregnancy humor!) I figured I’d give a quick shout out to what I consider to be one of the positive and more unexpected of pregnancy side effects.

Now I know what you’re thinking: “Is it boobs? Its boobs. I bet its boobs.” To which I reply a resounding NAY! Screw these damn things! As far as I’m concerned these things are not supposed to meet in the middle and I can’t wait to go back to the day when they’re as distant from each other as pissed off neighbors. No, that is not the beneficial side effect of which I speak! I speak of the blessing of…

THE NESTING INSTINCT! Hell yeah does that jacking of hormonal levels rock! Order out of chaos! The joy of a job well done! Clean-y, clean-y, clean-y!


Pillows not perfectly aligned? Rumpled comforter? Corners not in a hospital tuck?! What the hell is this shit?

I tried to explain to my husband a bit about this a while back, before I exactly realized what it was. He’s recently gone back to work after a hiatus to raise our girls and get his Master’s degree, and so I’ve picked up a lot of the chores around the house he used to do in an effort to make things easier for him. And after a week or so of this I told him if I’d known I could be so happy just taking care of the girls and keeping a clean house that maybe I should have been a housewife YEARS ago! To which I got a guarded side-eye and almost imperceptible backing away slowly while he said he THOUGHT it was probably just the nesting instinct kicking in. Damn. He’s right.

Don’t get me wrong, I like order and a clean house in normal times and have been known to make a bed before I crawl in it for the night. I also live by the mantra that an orderly house equates to an orderly mind.  And the fact that clutter and being surrounded by stuff makes me crazy- the more you own, the more that owns you, you dig? But lately that tendency… well let’s just say ours goes to 11, as Nigel put it.

And it isn’t like I should have been surprised by this. With my first daughter I was up on a ladder washing the outside of the windows on our rental house on my due date. And that was months after I got up at 2am to clean the fridge that one time…

Whatever. I’ll take the perks where I can get them and ride these crazy hormones as far as I can- because waking up at 2am to pee is for the birds, let me tell ya.