I found a random word generator and only had to scroll through 18 words before I picked “checkpoint” as the word of the day. Some of the others I can remember were: bloke, dolphin, national, and solitary. Sounds like the makings of a Nicolas Cage movie, doesn’t it?

Checkpoint

I go through checkpoints quite often. They are near, but not on the border- does everyone know that? The checkpoints are about 50 miles (total guess there. Could be 20, could be 70… I’m bad at measuring for belts too.) from the US Mexico border. So make note of that, paperwork lacking new immigrants!

So, in the past when I’ve gone through a checkpoint with my husband and family we get asked “US citizens? Where are you heading? Where did you visit? etc.” Really boring and soul killing stuff to have to ask every single car on an 8 hour shift, when you think about it. Poor Border Patrol agents… their lives are nowhere near as exciting as all the recruitment billboards make it seem. But in the past two years I’ve been going through them alone as I travel the border region for work. And, without exception, I just get waved through. Every time. And I am irate about this!

Does my British Isles ancestry make me seem non threatening? Ever heard of the IRA, fuckers? It makes me want to become a super villain (please note-I already have a long haired white cat so I’m all set) just to laugh maniacally at being so thoroughly discounted by multiple border guards in the past. And then I have to sigh and just accept the fact that I am no international woman of mystery over here… I am a middle aged mom of two with shoulder length hair who votes regularly and that the only things I do maniacally are weed my garden and listen to NPR. Oh wait- that’s manically- damn!

And every single time they wave me through I think: “I gotta start running coke.”