Below is a fairly random collection of oddball beliefs I have. Also. A picture of a squirrel.
Lullabies– everyone THINKS that lullabies are for babies to get them to calm down, but I believe they are really for OURSELVES to keep our calm in the face of incessantly crying infants. I mean- I didn’t sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow for 3 hours while walking my second up and down the driveway at 3am for her sake, you know? My default “parenting situation” song is Silent Night- because I realized I knew NO lullabies when my oldest was born, and found it totally gets the job done.
Bush’s black eye– so, y’all remember when president Bush supposedly choked on a pretzel and fell on a coffee table, thus giving himself a black eye? ‘Member? You ‘member. So President Bush and the first lady went on late night talk shows to tell the story, and TO THIS DAY my thoughts on the matter are: thou doth protest too much. I don’t buy it for a minute. Whether he went on a bender, or Cheney decked him… we’ll never know- but it sure as hell wasn’t a pretzel.
Pregnancy and litter boxes– So. Toxoplasmosis- can totally jack your baby up while you’re pregnant and so NO pregnant lady ever changes the litter box- doctor’s orders. But here’s the thing- if you were previously infected with toxoplasmosis, you’re fine (so is your baby). If you don’t have it, you’re fine. The only danger is if you get infected for the first time WHILE pregnant. So it’s actually less of a risk than it’s made out to be. Also- you can get the infection from pork- but does any doctor say to lay off pork chops? Nope. So I believe this is a big “YOU’RE WELCOME” from obstetricians to pregnant ladies everywhere. But I still never changed the litter box when I was pregnant… just to be safe. (also, I keep forgetting that I have the all clear to change the litter box now that I’ve delivered… bummer.)
Don’t let your dog walk in the door ahead of you– This one is backed up by Cesar Milan, but seriously. I am the boss here, dog. You wait your damn turn.
Potting Soil is dirt, but it is not dirty– I never get the plastic wrap to set pots of plants on in the back of my car because it seems wasteful and unnecessary. This drives my husband crazy, but I believe good clean potting soil doesn’t equate with dirt/filth.
Never fold underwear– because why. Just don’t waste the time. This I believe.
I’m sure there are more… but I got a waking baby over here so we’ll save the rest for the next time.
One thought on “Oddball Beliefs”
Hilarious, I am still stuck doing the litter box.
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