The Occasional Random Word Post: Shape

That seems unfair, Random Word Generator. Like. On the nose unfair. Random Word= SHAPE. Insert round is a shape joke here.

Truth is, I’m not round is a shape. 149lbs for 5’7 is still 9 pounds within the ideal range of 121 to 158lbs. Squeaking by, but good enough for a Liberal Arts diploma, you dig? (I would know, wouldn’t I?) Nope. Tell it to my Ukrainian Endocronologist. Who also is a metabolism and diabetes specialist. Here I went in to get my thyroid medication level checked and slightly adjusted and an hour later I’m mid lecture about how I’m becoming insulin resistant and phrases such as “as we get older” and “no more flour tortillas” and “all the lettuce you could want” are getting bandied about WAYYYY to liberally for my taste. (My taste runs towards flour tortillas.) And I have to lose 10 pounds. Which I wanted to do, aesthetically, but to have to do it for medical reasons feels much different. Shittier different.

So here I am. While the shape was never really the issue, per se, it was, I believe, a firmness issue. See… I’ve become SUPER sedentary. I used to be a bit of a hardbody in my youth, what with full contact karate  twice a week and distance biking 3 times a week… and even when I went to college I was able to maintain hard abs and thigh muscles of a size that made fitting pants tricky through no effort. But that muscle tone? So long gone, and I for one blame the children. I think that lack of muscle and the level-of-movement-of-a-knick-knack lifestyle is the issue really. So while it’s 10 lbs to lose it’s really a muscle to gain thing I think. Plus actually losing 10 lbs.

Plus the thing about no more bananas. Or sugar. Or watermelon. Or yogurt. Or beer. Or bread. Or mangos (which have an undertone of garbage- so no issue there).


Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.    (Image by Pat Herman)

Supposedly no flour tortillas or potatoes. Does my doctor know she’s talking to a Viva La Raza Irish chick? I’m a rule follower in general, but cutting down on those is going to have to be good enough. She’s Ukrainian. She’ll understand my Orange Revolution on those two. Hmmm… how many carbs in oranges? *typing sounds* And no more god damn oranges either unless I add THOSE to the dietary Orange Revolution… and frankly I think that’s almost required, really. So minimal flour tortillas, potatoes, and oranges- this I pledge.

Turns out my diet was about 86% carbs, so cutting them out actually gave me the “low carb flu” that felt, I assume, what withdrawal from heroin feels like. I’ve added some carbs back- but it’s a slippery slope of “I’ll just have one” or “I’ve been so good I deserve a reward” turning into full on former eating habits… sigh. I’ve lost, bouncing around, about 5 pounds so far. I worked out for the first time in hmmm- checks watch to see what decade it is– a long time. And I’m trying. Work to go. But there is all this life to be around for. And that’s the issue.

It rocked my world more than tweaking a fairly healthy existence should. Because it meant more than my shape. It meant health stuff. And me no like the health-stuff concerns. Having recently gone through a health-stuff loss and having family going through serious health-stuff currently it’s all just a little to close. But just because I have a toddler in diapers doesn’t mean I’m not getting older. How often have I said or thought “I’m too old for this shit?” ala  Roger Murtaugh. Well turns out that’s literally becoming true. Tell me what you joke about, and I’ll tell you what you are.

Anyway. Also found out I have the genetic markers for heart issues making me 5+ times more likely to have a heart attack or stroke and excessive inflammation and other scary things. But jesus, we all die of something- is it weird that scares me way less than the insulin resistance thing? As long as my heart doesn’t go before the catastrophic porch swing accident at 93 while holding my 98 year old’s husband’s hand … well then I should be fine. 37 years down. 56 to go.

Wish me luck.


 Other odd details not directly pertaining to the narrative here:

I measured at 5’5″ the first time I was at the endocrinologist. Was like WHAT THE FUCK I”M 5’7″ AND ITS INTEGRAL TO MY IDENTITY. Had myself measured at the chiropractor… 5’7 and 1/4″. Measured the next time at the endocronologist: 5′ 6″. NONE OF THESE SCALES ARE DIGITAL WHAT IS GOING ON?! I’m god damn 5’7″ and that’s final. I’ll be making them take my height again on Wednesday when I go back.

My doctor told me my thyroid medication levels were too high due to my height and weight, but my height is measuring wrong at your twilight zone of an office so what do we do now?

My blood work results were NINE pages long and went into genetic stuff and vitamin deficiencies. I now take COQ10 (whateverthefuckthatis), Fish oil supplements, Vitamin D, Vitamin A (whateverthefuckthatis), Sour Cherry Extract (whateverthefuckthatis) and I SWORE I’d be a “I get my vitamins from leafy greens” type of person and not a “I take handfuls of vitamins” type of person like somebody’s mother, but look at me now.

And my regular hypothyroidism has morphed into Hashimodo’s type hypothyroidism and I for one and glad someone with a cool name discovered that one. *Casts pitying glance at the folks with Asbergers*


Linking up with Fake Fabulous HERE



5 thoughts on “The Occasional Random Word Post: Shape

  1. Goodness keep all Ukrainian metabolism experts out of life . My day starts with oats porridge and ends with potato going via rice for lunch.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I was pretty ill at one time myself, to the point of living horizontally while suffering and following my Western Medical GP’s almost non advice and in taking the prescribed (Diabetic Medication), I cannot tell you how many times ‘Doctors and ‘Specialists’ have almost killed me, a few months back I had my flesh falling off for three weeks due to a (‘somewhat common’ prescription drug ‘Side Effect’). / And After my GP’s nurse practioner’ gave me bad advice when I went in to my Doctors’ office very ill one day, she says: “how much Glucophage Medication are you taking?”

    I told her one tablet, and she says: “Oh you’re not taking enough of it, take four of them. That advice and my following it, damn near killed me that night. Next day I walked into a Naturopath. He had me toss all the prescribed meds that I was on. Had me take a Cod Liver and a Salmon Oil Gel cap, vitamin E gel caps, and a tablet supplement called: Immuna –plex’ that boosted my immune system, designed to made my organs work better. Also told me to walk at least 45 minutes per day and to stay well hydrated. I did just that, and within five to eight weeks, I had great improvement. Now may years later, although I still suffer from Diabetic Neuropathy n my feet, and have occasional vision issues, My GP, tells me after regular blood work every three months, that I don’t have Diabetes.

    ‘Am not upon any diet, never have been, sure lack of working out has reduced my six pack to a singular Abdominal, but I’m in a fine state of poorer health at just over half a Century old now… There are four states of Life I am entering into my third Stage. I am hoping for a 100 year, for one century of age in my life span, but I always said, I would be content just to make it to the half century point. What I have cut out and it has affected my health very hard, and that is ‘daily walking’, I use to walk daily for at least three miles a day, I was far more physically Fit, only one abdominal vs. six or eight, but stronger and bad ass. I ate Salmon daily, probably got over does levels of Mercury in doing that, but it made me fit, and I could go’ four to six hours with a lot of walking on one order of ‘Sake, sushi’ for early lunch and not even get hungry for many hours after that. I stay well hydrated and another thing that brought me out of type do symptoms, and keeps me fit and with energy is my habit of eating 7 to 15 raw’ shelled’ Almonds every day, if I am going to go walking, or play at the park with my little son, I eat the almonds.

    Back when I would feel ill when I had Diabetic symptoms’ as soon as I felt that sick and that weakness’ feeling, I would pop a small hand full of raw almonds and drink clean filtered (non purchase Designer bottled water). … and I would ramp right back up again. Sushi (Salmon) Raw shelled almonds and clean cool water will pull you back out of the Diabetic crap. This is not medical advice’ this is health food and sensibility / practical in simplicity advice it works, and walk’ at least 45 minutes a day. Then you eat all the damn Tortillas you want within season.

    If you need insinuative for a daily walk’ get yourself a ‘Service Dog aka a walking buddy. Leash trained to walk and or jog along with you, both of you will depend upon each other for daily walks and fitness. You’re on the right track with Fish oil gels daily, Also vitamin E gels, and eating raw veggies or taking a supplement for busting up you immune system. Also if you are coping with any high anxieties, then eating Broccoli is your friend. And I know it is all more difficult when having to take care you’re your children and Husband and juggling your employment. But you can do it Lauren; you’re an intelligent, and dedicated Mother, wife / person.


    • Doctors don’t always treat the person, they treat the disease a lot of the times… and it sure isn’t always the same thing! Walking I need to start on- the dog will benefit from it too!


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