From the Drafts folder…

So I decided to go through my Drafts folder (sure you’ve noticed but posts have been few and far between lately and I was checking how much content I had in there that might be useable) and found this… dated 4 months ago.

I plow through self doubt through sheer force of will – but it’s like running through spider webs- it won’t hold me back but it still is pretty uncomfortable and takes multiple swipes to get the vestiges off.

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Image by Zuzanna Patocka

And the thing is… it still is holding true. I’ve been a bit off my feet for a little while now (4 months, I guess), wobbling/plowing along as best I can. I thought the analogy was good and I actually have zero recollection of writing it… so that’s interesting/worrisome for my mental acuity!

So yeah. Some cobwebs lately.

What am I going to do about it? Well hell. I guess trying to write more, carb less, work out more, miss taking my vitamin D and thyroid meds less, and garden more… that should help. Because I haven’t been very proud of my response to the “reduce carbs, take care of health, lose weight” marching orders I got. And I  have GOT to see my grandmother too… she’s been ill and it’s now being almost pathological the extent I’ve been avoiding seeing her. (Awful? No need to fucking tell ME.) Magical thinking where if I don’t see her sick she’ll live forever! I mean jesus christ. I’m 38 now, not goddamn 6.

But see, these moments… these moments where the self recriminations for stuff like that are so much louder than the rest is no bueno. My own head is not always the most gentle place for me to be. But then, it never has been- I’m just often better at dealing with it.

But ever onwards, through the fog and cobwebs… until the practice of moving forward has me steady on my feet once again. Because if there is ANYTHING my past has taught me… it’s that the cobwebs? Well they never swipe themselves off, do they?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “From the Drafts folder…

  1. Fair weather gibberish… all in a dreams dream…
    We the Stewards of the Earth…

    ‘It is 36 hours yet until the eclipse, until total afternoon darkness;’ and oh’ mothman has returned and is haunting the people of Chicago, to date sense March of 2017, there have been 38 eyewitness sightings; Surely there must be fossil records of such a strange, bizarre being / creature.

    ‘We the stewards claiming to be above all other life forms. Have you yet seen God? …and just a few minutes ago my son turned four years old, no nukes are flying, angels never sleep, and this world seems to be void of peace… what a strange world we reside upon, yet a beautiful world we reside upon. However I am afraid if we humans do not grow some responsibility and grow some genuine care, the world we reside upon just may become a mini Jupiter and in the end a inhabitable mars or worse yet a Mercury in transit of Sol, the Earths sun and the Sun may evict the human race, no the Human race may evict its self….

    ‘He is so dear and innocent, how do I ever keep sacred such a perfect place within his childhood mind and heart. His laughter is both dear and infectious.

    ‘The Sun smells to loud…By Mogwai. Who owns the buckskins anyway? Time for a game of Mahjong… how’s your heart this day my friend?’

    Like

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