There has been one day in the last two weeks where there has not been a child at home due to sickness. Last week it was because all childcare options had sickness in the house and so my perfectly fine toddler stayed home and honed my multitasking skills. I set her up a little desk next to mine. Let me show you how that went:

So the above picture is at 8am on the first day of work + toddler. I may have been standing there with a cup of coffee and being a bit too full of myself that this whole thing may just work out. It didn’t last long.

It was a weird week working with a toddler. Like how you say? Like having to have some very serious conversations about letting an employee go while Dora the Explorer played in the background. But we made it through, the toddler and I, to Friday at 5pm and I had a real sense of accomplishment about the whole thing.

And then my oldest got sick with a cold on Sunday and stayed home for 3 days. And my husband had to take off work to watch her because I had to be in Houston overnight for early meetings on Tuesday. Working from home and him being a teacher I tend to have that flexibility where he doesn’t, but it couldn’t be helped on this one. The 12 year old finally felt well enough to go to school on Thursday- she insisted, though it was probably a bit rushed to my view, she is way too responsible for her own good, that one.

And then we had an AWESOME Valentine’s Day… capped off with a 4am wakeup from a sick toddler.  (Champagne parenting, anyone? Is less than ideal for the ol’ cranium, but we made it through.) So she stayed home on Friday and proceeded to get so incredibly sick we rushed to the doctor for what I knew she must have been sick with: confirmed type A flu. It’s been going around our town and with how pathetic and miserable she looked it couldn’t have been anything else. The diagnosis meant we could get Tamiflu though… so that’s good. Not good? The $200 the prescription cost us- with insurance. Man, I hope the pharmaceutical industry executives are the first against the wall when the revolution comes, I tell you what. Little tip here- make sure you’re asking your pharmacist to mix in flavoring and give you a syringe for administering Tamiflu. It tastes terrible and the toddler spit out about $50 worth before I took the medicine back and had it added in.

And then, in this “if it rains it pours” mid-February… I found lice. Again. Only this time on BOTH older children! It isn’t in our house I promise! Lice are DEAD after 2 days off a head! We wash pillow cases and sheets and blankets and towels! But there is super lice in the schools and they make kids share lockers and it’s jacket and hat season and I am at a god damn loss over here. So I picked and picked last night (while the sick toddler spit out medicine and we were all sleep deprived and stretched thin) and this happened before 1pm today.

So both older girls have quite thick and long hair. Had. Because last night I just threw up my hands and told them we are cutting a significant amount off so I can do easier checks and treatments. The oldest (thespian that she is) sobbed dramatically into her pillow for hours. I hated her being sad about this- but we’ve tried everything- we have to be DONE with this. Hundreds of dollars has been spent on lice treatments in the last months. That is no exaggeration- the prescription treatment is $200 bucks! We tried that. And each bottle of the shampoo is $20. And the best lice comb is $16. And the preventative sprays and furniture sprays are $12 each. Ugh. And so hair cutting needed to happen- they’re not good at keeping their hair up. I’ll put it up in a bun and they’ll both come home with their hair down… drastic action was needed.

And sheesh, they look adorable- the 9 year old has a cute sleek bob with bangs and the 12 year old has just brushing her shoulder waves she can still pull back in a pony tail. They’ll get treatment again tonight and in 7 days. I picked nits this afternoon for just about the entirety of Jumangi (10 out of 10- I recommend) and combed and god damn am I tired of this lice shit.

All during today my husband (who let me sleep all night, mind you, while he got up with the toddler) had been getting sicker and sicker and is now down for the count with a stomach bug.

And me? Hell, I’m feeling fine. But having been exposed to a cold, the flu, and now a stomach bug in the last 72 hours I’m really apprehensive about the weeklong tradeshow I’m going to be in Denver next week. Not only at the thought of having to leave my still sick family, but at the thought of catching any of these and being in a hotel room having to fend for myself while miserably sick. Timing on incubation periods seem pretty damn ripe for that. As some hope against hope preventative measures I took a swig of Tamiflu, am taking taking Vitamin C, D, the B vitamins, garlic pills, and  probiotics and hoping for the best over here.

On the plus side there has only been one cat pee incident this week and that was contained to some clothes on the bathroom floor, so was resolved and remediated quickly and generally painlessly. Also- that’s a bad cat, but less bad this week, so like, good cat?

I am… not going insane, I promise. I did indulge in a bit of retail therapy due to some really pressure filled and busy weeks of work and god damn lice AGAIN because that just takes so MUCH to deal with both mentally and time wise from me. And so I bought myself a rollerball (read $30 not $80 bottle) of some perfume I liked that I saw (smelled?) in the last Ulta catalog. It surprised me, I wasn’t looking for it- I’ve only had perfume once before- but I’m open to it if I can find the right scent, which this was. My husband liked it too- so the deal was clinched and I got it today.

It’s a calm household right now. With her medicine the toddler feels better. My poor husband is resting uncomfortably, but at least he’s resting, and the older girls are in process as we in the lice killing game say. I smell good too and I bough some good beer at the store when I bought everyone’s Pepto, Motrin, Tylenol, and Nix lice killing shampoo. So I’ll have a pint glass of beer while I cook some griddle pan chicken and hope everyone feels better in the morning.