Of Swimsuits and Fishing Lures

(Originally posted a few years ago, but reposting due to upcoming swimsuit season.)

Fishing and watching River Monsters re-runs has completely ruined me on swimsuit shopping. Look, I had a bit of a shark phobia to begin with, but now getting eaten by a catfish is a real fear too? (FYI, it’s always catfish. Or Tiger Fish.) Ugh. It’s amazing I love the water as much as I do.

Wonder how that ties into swimsuit shopping? Let me just show you.


It all starts with a sparkly gold number… that I wouldn’t have ever worn anyway, for stylistic reasons, but also because it looks AWFULLY similar to this…

gold spoon

Yeah. So gold spinners are used more in saltwater fishing because gold reflects better than silver in murky water. So… yeah. No gold bikinis for me, thanks!

pink stripe

Okay. So how about a cute little striped bikini? That’s gotta be safe, right?

pink stripe lure

Or are high contrast colors something to avoid? Damn. Okay, the swimsuit search continues…

yellow fringe

Now you’re talking! Low contrast to skin coloration so no worries there, and super cute. Something seems a bit familiar though, what could it be…

spinner bait

Son of a bitch! FINE!


OKAY! Now we’re talking! It’s my favorite color, it’s got some interesting detailing… it’s… it’s…

green and black lure

it’s a goddamn fishing lure.

I give up.