I was 35 and walking through our downtown with my husband. Some douche leaned out of a car driving by and aggressively yelled: “HOT CHICK!” at me. At us. I was holding my husband’s hand. I was wearing a maxi dress and just about as covered up as if I’d been wearing a burkha.
Continue reading “The Sexual Micro-Aggressions Faced by Being Female”Baby sleepers and pajamas are ADORABLE. And I still have some. And my older girls still have pajamas- but DON’T YOU BUY THEM, IT’S A TRAP!!!!!
Look- it’s PERFECTLY acceptable for a baby to sleep in a long sleeve onesie, soft pants and socks. And guess what? You don’t get judge-y looks at the grocery store when they’re still dressed like that at 2 in the afternoon like you would if they were in a sleeper. And besides- diaper changes are easier like that. #somanybuttons
Older Kids: Soft leggings or cotton shorts and a teeshirt- perfectly acceptable to sleep in. And lookie there- that’s looking on the up and up if someone drops in at 2pm (why is it always 2pm? Shrugs.) and they’re still dressed like that! And maybe they go the whole day wearing those clothes! And then that’s an entire outfit (times THREE in our house!) that I don’t have to wash and fold! *Cackles maniacally and then starts crying while looking at laundry pile*
TL;DR: Don’t change your pants twice a day. (Is that the real lesson? Read the post then, Lazy.)
I always weigh myself while brushing my teeth. Toothbrushes weigh a conveniently varying amount.
Babies don’t appreciate naps as much as they should, the unappreciative leeches.
About once a week my cat plays Gage and recreates that scene from Pet Cemetery if I walk past his empty food bowl one to many times. Ow, my god damn achilles tendon, cat!
I’d so much rather have indoor spiders than whatever bugs it is they’re surviving off of.
Here is a picture my 2nd oldest/2nd youngest took almost 2 months ago at the beach- just wanted to share. Love the colors! Love the composition! So art-y!
Got a baby slowly talking herself awake over here- Happy Friday!
Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away… I remember helping my cousin Jennifer collect bugs once for a school project. And now that I think of it- she was homeschooled so how the hell did that work? Anyway. I caught a huge red wasp in a tupperware container- and it beat against the lid like a drum. And there were a few beetles, maybe a June bug? All I remember is the wasp really (for obvious, scare the hell out of you reasons) and that I was SO good at catching bugs she put me in charge of the jar. (Gee… thanks? Is white-washing the fence fun too?) But anytime she would point out a butterfly I’d only pretend to try to catch it and shoo it away instead. At the end of the day we had enough bugs for her collection and not a single one was a butterfly. I was 10.
And today not only do I grow plants in my garden to attract and feed the adult butterflies I love so well, I grow host plants for their caterpillars to eat too. And while some of the caterpillars are cool, some really display the depth of my devotion because they… well they’re not cute. I have a key lime tree which is the host to my favorite butterfly, the Giant Swallowtail. Who’s caterpillar is basically bird poop. Think I’m kidding?
Boom. Evolution is wonderfully specific at times.
And then that thing turns into this…
My Precious!
And I really don’t know why the story was about an ugly duckling turning into a swan… because bird poop turning into a butterfly wins that competition ALL day long.
So our seven year old had an idea for a summer job: she wanted to sell flowers around the neighborhood, and I love it. She planted some zinnias, we already had a bunch of cosmos, and we let some self sown sunflowers go eight-foot-tall-nuts in the backyard. Saved some jars (caper jars are the best) and a business is born.
And if my husband and I lose our jobs she’ll support the family with this… because she has not had anyone tell her no so far. I’ve never seen a more successful salesman!
We get to spend time together picking flowers and making arrangements. I’m teaching her about filler foliage (mint is the best, but fennel and germander are good too) and about proper proportions… it’s nice.
Nobody really wants lemonade made with grubby little hands and questionable food safety practices, but flowers… heck. The world could always use more flowers.
So. I just had my tubes tied yesterday… again. Which may I just say, hurts a hell of a lot more than they let on. To be totally honest, I didn’t have my tubes tied this time as much as I had them totally taken out (failed clips and all). “Look at me, I’m so svelte, I just lost 3 oz!” #pleasenomorefuckingbabies
Here are my pets- moral support and enthusiastic participants in a full day in bed next to me. Psst. One of you slackers go pick up that sock.
And I took NO painkillers with codeine this time. I did last time and I felt AWFUL for 3 days. I’m only taking Motrin this time (did after this last birth too) and I feel awesome. What the hell, doctors? Does codeine even work? Or does it just make you high? Is that the point? Because I hate it and it worked way worse for pain control and kept me up at night. #straightarrowstickinthemud
Anyhoo- maybe I’ll catch up on blogging. Or maybe I’ll just drink coffee and eat pineapple. And try not to keep seeing that the scars on my stomach now look like an upside down Sid the sloth from Ice Age. Ugh. Try unseeing that for the rest of your life… #I’mmyownRorchachetest
#whatthehellIhatehashtagswhyamIusingthem
the something garden 