Page 42 of 43

Random Word Post: Checkpoint

Lauren 2 Comments

I found a random word generator and only had to scroll through 18 words before I picked “checkpoint” as the word of the day. Some of the others I can remember were: bloke, dolphin, national, and solitary. Sounds like the makings of a Nicolas Cage movie, doesn’t it?

Long-line-in-the-sand

Checkpoint

I go through checkpoints quite often. They are near, but not on the border- does everyone know that? The checkpoints are about 50 miles (total guess there. Could be 20, could be 70… I’m bad at measuring for belts too.) from the US Mexico border. So make note of that, paperwork lacking new immigrants!

So, in the past when I’ve gone through a checkpoint with my husband and family we get asked “US citizens? Where are you heading? Where did you visit? etc.” Really boring and soul killing stuff to have to ask every single car on an 8 hour shift, when you think about it. Poor Border Patrol agents… their lives are nowhere near as exciting as all the recruitment billboards make it seem. But in the past two years I’ve been going through them alone as I travel the border region for work. And, without exception, I just get waved through. Every time. And I am irate about this!

Does my British Isles ancestry make me seem non threatening? Ever heard of the IRA, fuckers? It makes me want to become a super villain (please note-I already have a long haired white cat so I’m all set) just to laugh maniacally at being so thoroughly discounted by multiple border guards in the past. And then I have to sigh and just accept the fact that I am no international woman of mystery over here… I am a middle aged mom of two with shoulder length hair who votes regularly and that the only things I do maniacally are weed my garden and listen to NPR. Oh wait- that’s manically- damn!

And every single time they wave me through I think: “I gotta start running coke.”

On Writing and New Challenges

Lauren

feather

You know, I started this blog to start writing- because the closest I will ever get to flying is when I’m typing away and the words are flowing… I need it. There is a part of my soul that has to write and is better for it when I do.

And yet… I’ve been putting already created content on here the vast majority of the time. Already written stories, recipes, articles, and anecdotes. Am I afraid of going to the well and finding it’s dry? Is that why I’m putting previously bottled content here? Perhaps it is. So I think a new regular feature is in order: Random Word Prompts. I like the reaching I have to do for the Random Picture Posts- so I’ll do the same with a random word generator. We’ll see how it goes- but that day is not today. Just know it’s coming…

Business Travel Children’s Stories: The Denver Bunnies in Bed

Lauren 2 Comments

The Denver Bunnies in Bed

bb1

“Boy, this sure is weird snow, Creampuff.”

“I know, Sweetie Pie! It’s not cold on my paws, or wet… and it tastes TERRIBLE!”

Mom and Dad said: “Bunnies! Stop chewing on the blanket! This isn’t snow, it’s a bed- this is where you’re going to sleep from now on!”

bb2

“Uh, wait. Are you telling me I don’t have to sleep outside in the snow anymore?”

bb3

“And are you telling me I don’t have to shiver all night long and worry about being eaten by a bobcat or owl any more?”

“Yes bunnies, that is EXACTLY what we’re saying.”

bb4

“Hooray! Bunny Rabbit high five!”

“Time to go to sleep then! I think we’re going to like all this “bed” and “blanket” and “pillow” stuff a whole lot!”

bb5

“Ummm, bunnies? You’re doing it wrong…”

bb6

“Oh. Okay, so it’s supposed to be like this?”

bb7

“Nope, I like it better the other way. Good night, Creampuff!”

Creampuff said: “Dude. Not okay.”

bb8

“I’ll sleep waaaaay over here, Sweetie Pie, if you are going to sleep like that! Goodnight!”

And the little bunnies slept warm and safe for the first time ever.

Business Travel Children’s Stories… The Denver Bunnies

Lauren

So as I’ve mentioned before, ad nauseum- we were in Denver recently and will be moving there soon. I travel a lot for work but on this last business trip to Denver I didn’t have to go slowly stir crazy waiting to get home to my family because, wonder of wonders, my husband got to come with me! We were gone for 6 days… and terrible though it is- I forgot to bring my girls’ stuffed animals to write some stories about. So… an origin story is in order for 2 new friends. And let me just say, we drive our oldest INSANE because we won’t tell her where we actually got these toys, we just keep telling her we found them in downtown Denver. (We actually bought them in a Walgreens- happy, kid?) So my husband, Tim Duncan and I make guest appearances here.

The Denver Bunnies

1

“Life sure is hard out here, living in downtown Denver, isn’t it Sweetie Pie?”

“It sure is, Creampuff. We’re cold all the time. We never know when we’re going to eat next. And it’s so lonely!”

“Well Hello there tiny bunnies! What are your names?”

2

“I’m Creampuff, sir, and this is my friend Sweetie Pie.”

“It sure does seem like you have a hard life out here, am I right? How would you like to come live with us? I have two beautiful daughters that I know would take good care of you!”

The bunnies didn’t have to think twice.

“Oh can we really?! We’ll be good pets for your daughters, sir- we promise! You’re doing us such a huge favor- is there anything we can do for you in return to show you our thanks?”

The man said: “Now that you mention it, there is: Do you know where we can watch the Spurs basketball game? My wife and I don’t know our way around your city.”

Sweetie Pie thought for a second and then pointed down the street.

3

“Sure thing, sir. You’re going to go down two blocks (It should take you… oh about 10,000 bunny hops to get there.) Once you get there you’ll want to jump on the huge shuttle monster and go down 6 stops. Then walk past the tasty shrubs we like to chew on till you get to the pine tree we sleep under when it’s warmer. There should be a place to watch basketball around the corner from there.”

“Thanks, Sweetie Pie! Good thing you’re coming with us though, just in case we get lost!”

Then the nice man’s wife picked them up and said:

Untitled

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, bunnies! Sweetie Pie, I know our oldest daughter Lily will LOVE for you to be her pet. Here, hop in my pocket and warm up! And Creampuff, there is no way our youngest daughter Noelle wouldn’t love to have you! Hop in my other pocket and get cozy!”

The bunnies settled into the pockets- warm for the first time in months. They were going to love this new life!

Later…

6

“So this is basketball, huh, Creampuff?” I like it- look! It’s Tim Duncan- he’s my favorite!”

“Yup. I like it too, Sweetie Pie! Though MY favorite player is that Tony Parker guy.”

Lily and Noelle’s Mom and Dad smiled down at them when the heard what the bunnies had said. They knew they had picked the PERFECT bunnies for their daughters!

So… totally going to make this a regular feature. Because frankly… blog content gets thin sometimes and I have a ton of these.  Because I hope it does some good in the world.

In the Denver Museum

Lauren

Soo… HUGE collection of Pre-Columbian artwork in the Denver Museum… just mind bogglingly massive. Like there was some hoarder of all this stuff who died in Denver and no one knew what to do with it all and they gave it to the museum.

And in the middle of this mass of ancient artifacts is one thing that really caught my eye: this rare snake shaped pot. It’s very small (about 6″ tall and wide) and the opening is on the other side from the picture below. The way it’s designed makes it seem like it had to be hung on a peg… and been impossible to keep clean…anyway.

IMG_0140

Up close, it is just the cutest little thing ever.

But from more than 4 feet away and I feel like someone in Central America, 1,200 years ago, is punking me… because it is JUST like you’re looking at a pile of dog poop in a glass case on the 4th floor of a museum.

Denver

Lauren 1 Comment

I recently took a new job (which- let me just say: Love it. Would have quit the old one sooner if I’d known you could enjoy a job this much) and we’ll be relocating to Denver this summer. Which sounds big, and is… but it’s so much easier than I thought it’d be too. It reminds me a bit of the feeling I had when I met my husband. It was so easy to accept the fact that my life, in the moment of meeting him, was going to change completely- fundamentally and permanently. I knew all of that looking into his eyes all those years ago… and it was so easy to accept, be excited about, and welcome in my life. My life was never going to be the same again- it was an amazing feeling.

And now, again- this is a huge change. Moving across the country changes not just my life, but my husband’s, my daughters’, my family in Texas… so it’s big. But it also is surprisingly easy to accept and welcome. My husband and I are in Denver this week- I’m working, he’s applying at school districts, and we’re house hunting. Plus fitting in as much fun as we can.

408325513_Denver_Big_Blue_Bear

Anyway, so this bear is outside of the convention center right around the corner from the hotel we’re staying at in downtown Denver- and it may be one of the best known pieces of art in the city. I love it- it makes me smile. And outdoor art… there is a lot of it in this city, which I both like and was a bit surprised by. And it’s all pretty good- not pretentious stuff like Austin has.

Ugh- seriously, let’s talk about Austin for a second. Austin is as over praised as Breaking Bad, bacon, Starbuck’s bitter-ass coffee, and Andy Warhol are. Seriously- why are those all put on a pedestal? It’s baffling to me. Having lived in Austin and gone to school there I can easily say- give me San Antonio any day. Or Denver. I’ll totally take Denver too.

What I Do On Business Trips…

Lauren

So, as I’ve mentioned before, my day job is a traveling sales rep. Traveling sounds cool until you do it- it’s mostly quiet, and you aren’t out living it up or seeing whatever local highlights there are to see and do in your destination. (“So what’s there to do in Port Lavaca, TX? Be sad and breath in carcinogens? Oh. Okay…I’ll just stay in my hotel room then.”) Mostly it’s just time you are aware, every single second, that you are away from where you want to be. I turn into Dorothy when I travel: “There’s no place like home! There’s no place like home!” Maybe if I got some red glittery heels off of a corpse that would work, because it sure didn’t work with the snow boots I wore on this last trip.

So when I do travel for more than a few days I take along a couple of my daughters’ stuffed animals and write stories about them. Making these lets me feel- from very far away- that I’m still participating in my family. I’m contributing. Connecting. It’s totally worth an hour in a hotel making something for my girls to laugh over while I’m gone. And I always call my husband IMMEDIATELY after I send it and ask if he read it. “Did you read it? What did you think? My favorite part is…” and so on. Because I’m THAT person, I guess.

I don’t buy them anything on my trips usually- as a wise Snapple cap once told me: “The more you own, the more that owns you”- but they have binders of these stories from me. I hope it’s something they remember- that Mom sent them effort and some chuckles instead of a magnet or keychain. I hope they remember. But even if they don’t… writing these stories for them made me feel better when I travelled and I needed it. Oh! And also, I feel like I grow as a person each time someone gives me some side-eye for being a grown ass woman walking around  taking pictures of stuffed animals. Pride is a sin, so they say- so those occasions help me overcome my not insubstantial personal share.

(So- Baby Tiger is the big eyed one here. Stripeless USED to be called Baby Tiger until the new Baby Tiger came along- at which time the name was changed by my oldest daughter to Stripeless- because she’d been so well loved by that point her stripes had rubbed off. They are both girls.)

The Adventures of Baby Tiger and Stripeless in Canada, eh?!

plane

“Well, here we go! I’ve never been in an airplane before, have you Stripeless?”

“No, I never have, Baby Tiger! I’m so excited! I sure am glad we got to come with Lily and Noelle’s Mommy on this trip. I bet she is too- I’m sure their Mommy would have been lonely without us. We have a very important job to do- keeping her from missing Lily and Noelle too much!”

“That’s true, Stripeless… but we are here MOSTLY to have fun, right?”

“RIGHT!”

snow

“Canada! It wasn’t the quickest airplane ride, but we finally got here. I wonder if Lily and Noelle have looked on the globe to see where we are in Winnipeg, Canada? This snow sure is cold, how does it taste, Stripeless?”

“It tastes freezing! The world is one big snow-cone up here- lets go back inside, Baby Tiger!”

print

“Run quicker- we’re not snow Tigers!”

fire

Whew! A hotel fire- that will warm those cold tigers up!

“Ahhhh… it sure was nice to warm up in front of that fire, Baby Tiger! It’s been a really long day… I think it’s time to go to bed, don’t you?”
“I sure do, Stripeless. Do you think if we shouted loud enough that Lily and Noelle would hear us tell them goodnight?”

2nd bed

“GOODNIGHT LILY AND NOELLE!!!!!”

Part of me can’t believe I just wrote a blog post about stuffed animals. And part of me totally, totally can.